AFTER my 65-day quest to become a non-smoker, I'm still on the bulbous side - a year later.
At first, I was quite impressed to have enormous boobs. I never thought they'd grow THIS big. Then it struck me, the rest of my body had grown at the same rate. Typical!
Hence, I've just bought a skipping rope (97p, Tesco). It's even got sparkly handles.
Now all I need to do is find a secluded spot to try and skip off those unwanted inches. I can't be blubbering about in public, not now I'm a reluctant size 14.
I've tried being in denial, but squeezing in to size 12 drainpipes just leaves a spare tyre hanging where everybody can see it. Yuck!
I'm typing this as new research, conducted in America, points to passive smoking having less of an impact on heart disease than previously reported. The authors of the report, supported by 'freedom to choose' campaigners, say this means bans on smoking in places such as pubs were a little hasty.
Just call me Skippy!