THE thought of an alien landing on Roundball Hill was never likely to fill me with dread - or encourage me to light up.
Vandals, however, are another story... I'm afraid I'm writing this two days after having a cigarette ripped from my grasp. Only the quick-thinking of my daughter saved me from reverting to smoking. This is how it nealy all went wrong...
After hearing that every ride on the Grand Pier at Weston-super-Mare was free last weekend, my daughter and I made the 100-mile round trip to check it out. The weather was wet and windy, but all the rides were indoors and we had a great time. We arrived home in Lyme Regis at around 3pm. I nipped indoors briefly before we headed for the corner shop. With rain forecast for the rest of the day, we decided to buy some treats before snuggling up in front the telly. We were gone for about 10 minutes.
When we arrived home, I spotted a group of youths hastily retreating from my drive. I immediately noticed the rear windscreen wiper on my beloved red Ford Escort had been pulled away from the glass and bent over. Part of the wiper was just hanging. I was fuming. Last summer, my garden was trashed and my house entered while I was on holiday. Youths were to blame and some of them were back, this time to vandalise my car!
I jumped out of my new Corsa, took a photograph of the damage and drove straight to Lyme Regis Police Station. I've had enough, you see. The station was closed and I couldn't reach anyone using the station's outdoor phone. My daughter and I passed the gang of youths on our way to the station. They appeared to be heading for the corner shop.
Sick of being targeted by idiots with nothing better to do, I decided to take the law into my own hands (sort of). I drove to the corner shop, instructed the one youth stood outside to "Get inside" and then I went in and shut the door. He was protesting "I can't go in, I'm banned!" I wasn't having any of it!
"Nobody is leaving this shop until I know who has vandalised my car," I screamed. "And I want the police - NOW!" I was blocking the door, so the youths had no option but to grass up the culprit. They couldn't give him up quick enough. Poor Sue, the shop owner, looked a bit taken aback by the commotion, but she got dialling straight away. She tried to call police three times, but was using an old number, and the culprit legged it, while his pathetic mates stood around muttering "Sorry, Belinda." Sorry's not good enough!
When I eventually got home, I was none too pleased to find the alleged vandal back on my drive - this time having bent the wiper the other way, presumably to 'mend' it. I tried to explain I don't want him, or any of his friends, anywhere near my house. When will they get the message? How about, I go around to their houses and do to their parents' property what they do to mine and see how THEY like it?
So, yes, I went indoors, grabbed a cigarette and was about to light it when my daughter intervened.
I came so close.
On Sunday we returned to Weston-super-Mare and enjoyed a brighter day by the sea - with plenty of free rides!