12 March 2008 - Posts
IT'S going to be a long, hard - and probably sleepless - night. The stormy weather has just about fizzled out, so if I don't get much shut-eye it will definitely be down to stopping smoking.
Reflecting on my first day as a non-smoker, I feel it has been as hard as I anticipated. Not pleasant and, in parts, quite hellish.
The worst moment, one I had not predicted, was when I came through my front door at the end of the day, put my handbag down and thought 'What next?'
I felt a sense of panic, a feeling of deep loss. Normally, I would light a cigarette immediately. I paced about for five or so minutes, before remembering I had shopping to unpack and a steamer to switch on.
When I'd finished my evening meal, completed my chores and sat down, I was grief-stricken. I felt bored.
My inner voice was almost audible as it screamed (in a strong Westcountry accent) 'What to do? What to do?'
Well, what WAS there to do? Cry?
In the end I went in the bath, washed my hair, sorted through some washing, played with the cat, listened to some music - and all in the hour before Holby City started!
I never knew time could go so slow.
I've just realised, my inhalator probably ran out of nicotine at around mid-day and I am allowed to replace the cartridge. Silly me!
Tonight was poorly planned on my part. I should have ensured I had something constructive lined up to keep myself occupied - and my mind off cigarettes. Initially, I thought it was the annual meeting of Honiton and District Chamber of Commerce and Industry, which I will be covering. It's next week!
At least I'm wallpaper stripping tomorrow night. On Friday night, my daughter and I are going to a bingo in Charmouth.
I'm still smoke-free. That's the main thing.
WHAT can I do next to keep myself busy?
I've steamed cod steaks and vegetables for tea. Lovely, but I did 'alf fancy a cigarette after eating it! I've washed and dried up, scrubbed the kitchen floor and put my tea towels in the washing machine.
I'm a bit all over the place. I can't multi-task and I'm getting forgetful. After all the cleaning, I decided to sit down and watch the news on TV. I couldn't find my cup of coffee. I looked everywhere. I'd washed up the cup and put it away!
I'm popping grapes into my mouth like nobody's business - in between harder and harder drags on my inhalator.
Next, I think I'll go in the bath. Then I'll watch Holby City and eat a hot cross bun.
Tomorrow night, I'm stripping wallpaper at a friend's. That will keep me occupied. But will I still be ***-free?
I've got to be!
MY work will take me out of the office this afternoon – so, hopefully, I’ll be too busy to even contemplate a sudden craving.
If I do get the ‘urge’, I’ll have to whip out my inhalator and have a puff.
A third town councillor has visited my office this morning and was initially quite taken aback by the sight of me sucking a white plastic stick.
I’ve just noticed that, in the subject bar of an email I sent, I wrote “addiction” instead of “addition”. Just about sums me up today, I think.
While I’m out and about, I intend to buy the fresh fish I’ve promised myself.
A SMALL white thing called an inhalator is constantly being pressed to my lips, so I can take long, hard drags on its nicotine impregnated core, and my concentration level is still low.
However, two town councillors have just called into my office to wish me luck with my quit programme. They read about my intention to give up smoking in today’s paper. They have each offered to donate £10 to a charity of my choice – if I’m still ‘smoke-free’ this time next week.
There’s an incentive… Thank you, Councillor Jill McNally and Councillor Richard Gaughan!
Upwards and onwards; I’ve got a pile of work to do and MUST crack on.
If any church-goers are reading, perhaps you could add me to this week’s prayer list.
IT’S slow going in my office today. I’ve been behind my desk for a little over two hours and I’ve only typed two stories. One was a NIB (news in brief)! What a good job today isn't a day when I'm subbing the paper.
My concentration levels have dropped quite dramatically, but I know this is a temporary blip. Things will improve as my smoke-free days go by.
I’m using my inhalator, quite a lot, and it really does seem to help. Even holding it, like a cigarette, makes a difference.
Back to work…Concentrate, Belinda!
I WAS extra careful driving to work today. My concentration levels are slightly lowered – because I have given up smoking!
Yes, I’ve taken that vital first step on the road to becoming a healthier, richer person.
I stuck to the promise I made myself and actually stubbed out my last cigarette at around 7.30pm last night (Tuesday).
I put a nicotine patch on about and hour later and set up my inhalator, ready for the morning.
The reason why I didn’t wait until this morning to quit is that I feared I’d never get past the start line. Smoking first thing in the morning was a vital part of my daily routine as a smoker. Waiting until then to put a patch on would have been courting disaster.
I usually light up my first cigarette as I’m switching the kettle on.
Today, I reached for my inhalator as I flipped the switch.
I’m obviously thinking about cigarettes non-stop, but I’m not tempted to light one.
I was aware that starting my quit programme at night could lead to insomnia. A raging storm, not lack of fags, kept me awake. I’m expecting sleepless nights over the coming days, but I’m mentally prepared.
When I used the inhalator, I experienced a feeling similar to that when I smoke. The taste wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, although the inside of my mouth feels a bit strange. It feels a bit numb and I’ve got a sensation in my tongue.
I’ve arrived at work with a handbag full of fruit. I’ve decided to give sandwiches and pasties a miss today.
Later, if I’ve got the time, I’m going to venture out of the office and buy some fresh fish – to cook in my new steamer.